I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
