he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
