It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
