Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
