I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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