He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
