plz talk dirty to me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
