Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
