I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
