I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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