omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
