fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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