he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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