He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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