Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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