ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
