Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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