Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
