also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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