Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
