this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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