The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am midnight drunk by noon
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
