I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My first STD was from a foam party
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
