I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
