whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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