Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
