I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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