Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
