peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
