Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
