just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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