babies were throwing up all over the place
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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