does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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