she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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