Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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