Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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