i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
