saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
