her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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