so that wasnt chicken after all
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
