Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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