Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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