As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
