I think I died a long time ago.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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