Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
