I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
