oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm like, not good at living.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
