I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
