a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
