gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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